students of jesus

Twenty-nine years of marriage, in the books today. November 10^th 1984—I married a Southern woman. Whatever I know of the love of God, I first learned from her. It would be a crime against the goodness of God not to give thanks for her. Indeed, a man who does not give thanks for his wife does not understand he has received a good gift from God. 

But first, I must ask for a truce. I care nothing for arguments over various Christian views of marriage. Nor do I intend to advocate for any one view of how two sinful people can live together for so long but to say that this, too, is a mystery and a gift. Please, check your arguments with your coat and hat (but do come in). I mean only to celebrate—thankfully—the goodness of God and my incredible good luck.

Marriage is so commonplace we miss the miracle daily. Yet marriage should be the cause of everyday thanks. It was God’s idea from the beginning. He saw that it was not good for man to be alone. Nor was it within man’s power to remedy the situation. The same is true today: it takes divine intervention, it takes a new creation, and it takes a humble heart day after day to discover the wonder God puts in front of us. What fool dares to presume he knows the treasure of a spouse?

I am that fool. In the foolishness of youth I imagined my wife was some kind of “reward” for the years of my walk with God. (In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon!”) It only took a few years for me to realize this was bollocks. But the fool in me fought hard. My fallback position: “You are my reward in advance—for all my life,” I gushed silly nonsense toward her. She thought it was sweet but I suspect she was merely matronizing me. Eventually I came to see it was all grace. Grace surprising, grace unending, grace miraculous.

I should not limit such thanks to an anniversary. Less still to 30 Thankful Days. My more liturgical friends have it right when they call marriage a sacrament. Yet not completely right. The true sacrament of marriage is daily, on-going, and for us, just 29 years young today.